Tag Archives: literary oddities

Richard Lederer’s Famous History of the World in Student Bloopers

House cleaning continues at Mark’s Text Terminal. Over 12 years of storing material inevitable redundancies occur, as do good intentions never realized–i.e. material planned, even begun, but never executed. For the next week or so, I’ll post materials that might be useful to you, readers and colleagues. In so doing, I’ll drive to separate the precious metals from the dross and the wheat from the chaff–and try not to waste your time with dross and chaff (shall I continue to beat these overworked metaphors?).

Somewhere along the line, most college students, I hope, encounter Richard Lederer’s famous (or infamous, I suppose, depending on one’s sense of humor) “The World According to Student Bloopers.” If you can use it, here is a typescript of that hilarious compendium.

Should you find typos in this document, they can be easily corrected by consulting Professor Lederer’s original under the middle of the three hyperlinks (“The World…”) above.

George Bernard Shaw on Bourgeois Morality

“Bourgeois morality is largely a system of making cheap virtues a cloak of expensive vices.”

George Bernard Shaw

Excerpted from: Winokur, Jon, ed. The Big Curmudgeon. New York: Black Dog & Leventhal, 2007.

Oddball Place Names

This list of oddball place names never failed to bring laughter to my classroom when I taught an advisory at a middle school in the North Bronx.

If you find typos in this document, I would appreciate a notification. And, as always, if you find this material useful in your practice, I would be grateful to hear what you think of it. I seek your peer review.

A Trio of Rotten Reviews: George Bernard Shaw

George Bernard Shaw I, Arms and the Man

Shaw may one day write a serious and even an artistic play, if he will only repress his irreverent whimsicality, try to clothe his character conceptions in flesh and blood, and realize the difference between knowingness and knowledge.”

William Archer, World

George Bernard Shaw II, Major Barbara

“There are no human beings in Major Barbara: only animated points of view.

William Archer, World

George Bernard Shaw III, Man and Superman

“I think Shaw, on the whole, is more bounder than genius…I couldn’t get on with Man and Superman: it disgusted me.”

Bertrand Russell, letter to G.L. Dickinson

Excerpted from: Barnard, Andre, and Bill Henderson, eds. Pushcart’s Complete Rotten Reviews and Rejections. Wainscott, NY: Pushcart Press, 1998. 

The Devil’s Dictionary: Benevolence

“Benevolence, n. Subscribing five dollars towards the relief of one’s aged grandfather in the alms house, and publishing it in the newspaper.” 

Excerpted from: Bierce, Ambrose. David E. Schultz and S.J. Joshi, eds. The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary. Athens: The University of Georgia Press, 2000. 

Russell Baker on Progress

“Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.”

Russell Baker

Excerpted from: Winokur, Jon, ed. The Big Curmudgeon. New York: Black Dog & Leventhal, 2007.

The Algonquin Wits: George S. Kaufman on Manipulating Markets

“While entertaining musician-wit Oscar Levant at this new Bucks County home, George Kaufman offered his friend an engaging business proposition (based on Levant’s reputation as a noxious influence): ‘We’ll both walk through the main thoroughfares of Bucks County and I’ll have blueprints in my hand and this will lead people to think that you are going to build and settle down here. The local inhabitants will become panic-stricken and real estate will go down. Then we’ll buy, you won’t build, and we’ll clean up.’”

Excerpted from: Drennan, Robert E., ed. The Algonquin Wits. New York: Kensington, 1985.

9 Personalities of the Enneagram

“Perfectionist * Giver * Achiever * Tragic/Romantic * Observer * Contradictor * Enthusiast * Leader * Mediator

The nine-sided enneagram was popularized by the Greek-Armenian spiritual teacher George Gurdjieff (1866-1949) as a way of both analyzing and then reforming character—for the final goal is to achieve a balance of all these aspects. It is also associated with the Kabbalah, while the attributes are close to those of the ideal god-loving Muslim, who is both reformer, helper, achiever, individualist, investigator, loyalist, enthusiast, challenger, and peacemaker.

Gurdjieff’s enneagram was developed by the psychologists Oscar Ichazo and Claudio Naranjo to create a personal character map, which you can do easily enough for yourself. By marking your characteristics (on, say, a scale of 1 to 10) you can chart your particular strengths and weaknesses, and then see how these compared to those drawn for you by your friends or a counselor.

Excerpted from: Rogerson, Barnaby. Rogerson’s Book of Numbers: The Culture of Numbers–from 1,001 Nights to the Seven Wonders of the World. New York: Picador, 2013.

Jonathan Swift on Expectation and Disappointment

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”

Jonathan Swift

Excerpted from: Winokur, Jon, ed. The Big Curmudgeon. New York: Black Dog & Leventhal, 2007.

The Devil’s Dictionary: Justice

“Justice, n. A commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.”

Excerpted from: Bierce, Ambrose. David E. Schultz and S.J. Joshi, eds. The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary. Athens: The University of Georgia Press, 2000.