Tag Archives: humor

John Ciardi on Adolescence

“You don’t have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for everyone.”

John Ciardi

Excerpted from: Winokur, Jon, ed. The Big Curmudgeon. New York: Black Dog & Leventhal, 2007.

The Devil’s Dictionary: Republic

“Republic, n. A nation in which, the thing governing and the thing governed being the same, there is only a permitted authority to enforce and optional obedience. In a republic the foundation of public order is the ever lessening habit of submission inherited from ancestors who, being truly governed, submitted because they had to. There are as many kinds of republics as there are gradations between the despotism whence they came and the anarchy whither they lead.”

Excerpted from: Bierce, Ambrose. David E. Schultz and S.J. Joshi, eds. The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary. Athens: The University of Georgia Press, 2000.

The Algonquin Wits: Robert Benchley on Childhood

“A man gets on a train with his little boy, and gives the conductor only one ticket. ‘How old’s your kid?’ the conductor says, and the father says he’s four years old. ‘He looks at least twelve to me,” says the conductor, and the father says, ‘Can I help it if he worries?’”

Robert Benchley

Excerpted from: Drennan, Robert E., ed. The Algonquin Wits. New York: Kensington, 1985.

The Devil’s Dictionary: Wheat

“Wheat, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can with some difficulty be made, and which is used also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread per capita than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable.”

Excerpted from: Bierce, Ambrose. David E. Schultz and S.J. Joshi, eds. The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary. Athens: The University of Georgia Press, 2000.

James Thurber’s Thoughts on the Final Day of the Work Week

“I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness.”

James Thurber

Excerpted from: Winokur, Jon, ed. The Big Curmudgeon. New York: Black Dog & Leventhal, 2007.

The Algonquin Wits: Franklin Pierce Adams on Dissembling

“’Big wars, says the Herald Tribune, in our nomination for the year’s Half-Truth Prize, ‘are very costly to the losers.’”

Franklin Pierce Adams

Excerpted from: Drennan, Robert E., ed. The Algonquin Wits. New York: Kensington, 1985.

John Kenneth Galbraith on Politics

“Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.”

John Kenneth Galbraith

Excerpted from: Winokur, Jon, ed. The Portable Curmudgeon. New York: Plume, 1992.

Dr. Strangelove: or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

“A film (1963) based on the novel Red Alert by Peter George about the threat of global nuclear destruction. The film was directed by Stanley Kubrick and starred Peter Sellers in three roles, including that of Dr. Strangelove himself (a crippled ex-Nazi scientist) and that of the US president who finds himself helpless to stop events spiralling out of control.

‘Gentleman, you can’t fight in here. This is the War Room!’

Such was the success of the film that in subsequent years any hawkish Cold War warrior was liable to be labelled as a ‘Dr. Strangelove.'”

Excerpted from: Crofton, Ian, ed. Brewer’s Curious Titles. London: Cassell, 2002.

The Devil’s Dictionary: Abuse

“Abuse, n. [1.] The goal of debate. Abuse of power is the exercise of authority in a manner unpleasant to ourselves. [2.] Unanswerable wit.” 

Excerpted from: Bierce, Ambrose. David E. Schultz and S.J. Joshi, eds. The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary. Athens: The University of Georgia Press, 2000.

The Algonquin Wits: Heywood Broun on Open-Mindedness

[Said of one fence-straddling radio commentator]

“His mind is so open that the wind whistles through it.”

Heywood Broun

Excerpted from: Drennan, Robert E., ed. The Algonquin Wits. New York: Kensington, 1985.